XMFC/Down and Out

[diecastking]

Erik remembers New York vividly. He has been to the city many times, as man and boy, hunter and prey.

He has stayed in the best hotels Manhattan has to offer, but he is most at home on the streets. Among the homeless and destitute, he feels more at ease than he ever has in university libraries or officious banks. These are his people: the disenfranchised and dispossessed.

Erik knows, at heart, he is a soldier, a killer. He has been deluding himself that he was tamed, a housecat, a man fit to be a companion - a father.

No more.

The illusion has shattered and he knows now he is a man who would rather see the love of his life murdered than survive in captivity. He could not suffer to see Charles suffer, so he preferred to snuff out his life.

Even days later the thought makes him sick. Erik pulls his old greasy coat closer around him, the disguise for which he traded his leather jacket. He has some money in his pocket for food, but his bike is stashed where no one can find it and he doesn't know if he can bear to look at it again.

He can't bear to be reminded of what he's thrown away by reverting to nature.

Comments

[diecastking]

Erik is consumed by his self-loathing.

"Look what I have made you," he says dully. "You were an idealist, Charles. A dreamer."

[guideshapelead]

Charles doesn't think that that's changed, and he frowns at Erik.

"I'm who I've always been, Erik."

[diecastking]

"Except now you are willing for me to let people die? Who next, hmm? Alex, perhaps?" He gestures to the boy, who is pale as death, his fingertips trembling. "Scott?"

[guideshapelead]

"You wouldn't, Erik, I know you wouldn't," Charles continues to plead.

"Not unless the alternative was worse."

[diecastking]

Erik meets Charles's eyes with the terrible knowledge he is about to lose him forever.

"I would let them all die if it meant preventing them from living as I did."

[guideshapelead]

"So you would leave us alone?" An edge of irritation creeps into Charles' tone. Erik's logic makes no sense to him.

"Most likely that decision will never be yours to make again. And if there is another attack, and you're not there, then what? We all die, or we all get carted off to life as lab rats. The possibilities are there, with or without you."

[diecastking]

Erik hadn't considered the consequences of his absence.

"I...I can't protect you," he says, hesitant. "It makes no difference."

[guideshapelead]

"Then come home," Charles sighs, cold and tired and feeling more than a little awkward having this conversation in front of Alex in a New York alleyway.

"If it makes no difference, then come home where you're loved."

[diecastking]

"But...what will Scott grow up to be, if I am his father?"

Erik can sense how tired Charles is and wants to stop him hurting. "Please - go home. You deserve to be at home."

[guideshapelead]

"What will he grow up to be without you as a father?" Charles counters. They both know how much their little boy adores his Papa.

"I'm not leaving without you," he adds, arms crossing over his chest defiantly.

[diecastking]

Erik rubs at his eyes, ashamed of his tears.

"Charles, I love you. But I cannot watch you die as my mother did. Not because I failed you."

[guideshapelead]

"You would do what is best for me, Erik. I know that. And I would never blame you for it."

Struggling to think of a way to make his point clearer, a plan suddenly enters his mind. It's extreme, but hopefully it will prove his point without a shadow of a doubt.

//Don't react unless I tell you to// he warns Alex, before turning his full attention on Erik.

//Kill me.// He commands. He knows Erik is strong enough to fight the direct order, if he has to. What better way to prove that he will fight to keep Charles alive, if death is not the merciful option.

[diecastking]

Erik has shielded himself against Charles' telepathy, but the command is a shock and he lurches forward before he can resist.

But resist he does, hands outstretched bare inches from Charles' fragile neck.

[guideshapelead]

Trusting, putting all his faith in Erik, Charles doesn't flinch or move himself away. He needs Erik to see this, realise that he will fight to keep him safe.

[diecastking]

"I...won't."

Erik is shaking with the effort of resisting Charles's will.

"Please..."

[guideshapelead]

//If you don't want to kill me, throw me out of your head// Charles reasons. He knows Erik is strong enough to do that. And he trusts that he will.

[diecastking]

When his mind is so entwined with Charles', Erik cannot be anything but honest.

//But I...I can't let you go//

[guideshapelead]

//Kill me.// Charles strengthens the order.

Now is the time to prove Erik cherishes his life, not for further apologies.

[diecastking]

Erik lurches forward, and then pushes as hard as he can.

He will live without Charles, he will ruin his own mind, he will die before he hurts Charles.

A rusty tin can flies in his hand and he turns it towards his neck.

He would rather die.

[guideshapelead]

The reaction was far more extreme than Charles was expecting, but it's proven his point.

//Stop, Erik// he soothes, suggestion now rather than command. //Look at what you're doing. Trying to save my life.//

[diecastking]

The can falls from his numb fingers and Erik stares at Charles.

"I can never be good for you," he whispers.

[guideshapelead]

Charles risks a little smile.

"The drugs Hank gives me are good for me. I don't like those much."

[diecastking]

Erik cannot help the way his lips twitch and his eyes fill with tears. He has missed Charles' smile most of all.

"So...you want to marry a man who is terrible for you?"

[guideshapelead]

"I've never been a fan of 'good for me'," Charles points out, daring to hope now.

"You know my world view on vegetables."

[diecastking]

"You know my feelings on chocolate."

Erik knows he is lost - he cannot walk away from this.

"Perhaps...I might stay in Westchester? An apartment, perhaps?"