XMFC/Down and Out

[diecastking]

Erik remembers New York vividly. He has been to the city many times, as man and boy, hunter and prey.

He has stayed in the best hotels Manhattan has to offer, but he is most at home on the streets. Among the homeless and destitute, he feels more at ease than he ever has in university libraries or officious banks. These are his people: the disenfranchised and dispossessed.

Erik knows, at heart, he is a soldier, a killer. He has been deluding himself that he was tamed, a housecat, a man fit to be a companion - a father.

No more.

The illusion has shattered and he knows now he is a man who would rather see the love of his life murdered than survive in captivity. He could not suffer to see Charles suffer, so he preferred to snuff out his life.

Even days later the thought makes him sick. Erik pulls his old greasy coat closer around him, the disguise for which he traded his leather jacket. He has some money in his pocket for food, but his bike is stashed where no one can find it and he doesn't know if he can bear to look at it again.

He can't bear to be reminded of what he's thrown away by reverting to nature.

Comments

[guideshapelead]

Trusting, putting all his faith in Erik, Charles doesn't flinch or move himself away. He needs Erik to see this, realise that he will fight to keep him safe.

[diecastking]

"I...won't."

Erik is shaking with the effort of resisting Charles's will.

"Please..."

[guideshapelead]

//If you don't want to kill me, throw me out of your head// Charles reasons. He knows Erik is strong enough to do that. And he trusts that he will.

[diecastking]

When his mind is so entwined with Charles', Erik cannot be anything but honest.

//But I...I can't let you go//

[guideshapelead]

//Kill me.// Charles strengthens the order.

Now is the time to prove Erik cherishes his life, not for further apologies.

[diecastking]

Erik lurches forward, and then pushes as hard as he can.

He will live without Charles, he will ruin his own mind, he will die before he hurts Charles.

A rusty tin can flies in his hand and he turns it towards his neck.

He would rather die.

[guideshapelead]

The reaction was far more extreme than Charles was expecting, but it's proven his point.

//Stop, Erik// he soothes, suggestion now rather than command. //Look at what you're doing. Trying to save my life.//

[diecastking]

The can falls from his numb fingers and Erik stares at Charles.

"I can never be good for you," he whispers.

[guideshapelead]

Charles risks a little smile.

"The drugs Hank gives me are good for me. I don't like those much."

[diecastking]

Erik cannot help the way his lips twitch and his eyes fill with tears. He has missed Charles' smile most of all.

"So...you want to marry a man who is terrible for you?"

[guideshapelead]

"I've never been a fan of 'good for me'," Charles points out, daring to hope now.

"You know my world view on vegetables."

[diecastking]

"You know my feelings on chocolate."

Erik knows he is lost - he cannot walk away from this.

"Perhaps...I might stay in Westchester? An apartment, perhaps?"

[guideshapelead]

"You don't need an apartment..." Charles dares to reach for Erik's face, fingertips light over his cheeks.

"You already have a home. A bed. A family who love you, no matter what."

[diecastking]

"I want to be safe. For Scott to be safe."

Erik wants nothing more than to go home, but he cannot just invade their lives again.

[guideshapelead]

"Stop this, Erik, please..." Charles is cold, tired, and fed up of this conversation going in circles.

"You've just proven that you would keep me safe."

[diecastking]

Erik is cowed. This close, he feels Charles' exhaustion through their connection. He will not cause his lover more harm.

"Whatever you wish, Charles."

[guideshapelead]

Somehow, Erik's words hurt more than anything else so far.

"Don't you want to come home?" All this time, he'd been under the assumption that Erik at least felt bad about walking out.

[diecastking]

The tears in Erik's eyes spill over. He has indeed made a mess of his life, the best part of it he's ever known.

"I want it more than anything. But Scott...I would protect him."

[guideshapelead]

"You'll protect him better than I ever could," Charles promises.

"Just like you saved my life, just now."

[diecastking]

"I want him to grow up to be a good man," Erik says in a low, wretched voice.

"Like his Daddy."

[guideshapelead]

"And I would have him brave, and strong. Like his Papa." Charles runs gentle fingers over Erik's cheek, wanting to touch as much as he can.

"Please..." Alex finally chips in. "We miss you."

[diecastking]

The touch of Charles' fingers is balm to him, and when Alex adds his voice to the plea, Erik can resist no longer.

"Let's go home."

[guideshapelead]

"Thank you," Charles says, leaning to kiss Erik softly before sliding his hands down to his fiancé's elbows, gently helping him up onto his feet.

"Come on. Lead the way, Alex, please."

[diecastking]

Erik is led, meek as a lamb, leaning on Charles' chair. He has not eaten well since his departure from Westchester, preferring a diet of misery and self-pity.

[guideshapelead]

After a moment, Charles lets go of the wheels of his chair, letting Erik take over as he feels the way he's leaning over him.

"We are not parked far," he promises. "You can sleep on the drive home."