XMFC/Down and Out

[diecastking]

Erik remembers New York vividly. He has been to the city many times, as man and boy, hunter and prey.

He has stayed in the best hotels Manhattan has to offer, but he is most at home on the streets. Among the homeless and destitute, he feels more at ease than he ever has in university libraries or officious banks. These are his people: the disenfranchised and dispossessed.

Erik knows, at heart, he is a soldier, a killer. He has been deluding himself that he was tamed, a housecat, a man fit to be a companion - a father.

No more.

The illusion has shattered and he knows now he is a man who would rather see the love of his life murdered than survive in captivity. He could not suffer to see Charles suffer, so he preferred to snuff out his life.

Even days later the thought makes him sick. Erik pulls his old greasy coat closer around him, the disguise for which he traded his leather jacket. He has some money in his pocket for food, but his bike is stashed where no one can find it and he doesn't know if he can bear to look at it again.

He can't bear to be reminded of what he's thrown away by reverting to nature.

Comments

[guideshapelead]

For the first few days, Charles is too dazed to truly notice the absence of his lover, rendered semi-conscious by shock and seizures. Hank stays by his side, and for a while the simple fact of another person's weight on the mattress is enough to satisfy the professor.

Erik's been gone three days before Charles becomes aware that his lover is not the one keeping vigil over him. Hank has never been a good liar, and with his telepathy to aid him it takes Charles no time at all to learn the truth, that Erik is missing.

Charles wants to set out and find him at once, but hasn't the strength to fight Hank when he's told he needs further bedrest. As such, it's another few days before he's heading for New York City with Alex at his side.

They will find Erik. Charles has every faith. He has no other option.

[diecastking]

He is walking through lower Manhattan when he feels Charles.

Immediately, he throws up his walls and presses himself into an alleyway, heart beating double-time in his chest.

Was it proximity or Cerebro? Was Charles looking for him? Was his lover really so blind?

Erik hides in the darkness.

[guideshapelead]

Charles hadn't needed Cerbro, not for Erik. Somehow, most likely thanks to the strength of their mental connection, he had just known that New York was the place to start. That sense had just gotten stronger, the closer they got, and by the time they reached the city he could feel Erik's mind as strongly as when they were both at home in the mansion.

He's ready to start giving Alex more detailed directions when, suddenly, that connection disappears. It feels like being submerged in icy water, leaving Charles gasping at the shock of the separation. Only when Alex starts to ask him if he needs to pull over, if he's about to have a seizure, that he regains control of himself.

Erik has his walls, but Charles has been training against them. The helmet is too strong for him, but not Erik's mental walls. Not if he tries hard enough. And, somehow, he can tell that those are the walls he is fighting right now.

Eyes screwed shut, fingers to temples, he tries with all his mental strength to push past Erik's barriers.

[diecastking]

Erik feels the renewed effort and pushes back, clutching his hands to the side of his head as if that will somehow strengthen his efforts.

Charles is close and part of him wants to give in, to be discovered, to be comforted. But the best part of him knows that's wrong, that he has to protect Charles from the monster he is.

[guideshapelead]

//Erik, please...//

Charles is right at the limit of his powers, sweat beading across his forehead.

//Let me in. Please...//

[diecastking]

Erik feels hot salty tears on his cheeks as he hears the whisper in his ear, but he remains strong, resolute.

He cannot hurt Charles again.

[guideshapelead]

Charles soon has no choice but to give up, knowing he cannot maintain such a high level of mental effort for long. He would be distraught, but for the one option still left open.

From his pocket he pulls his prized possession, the compass that points straight to Erik. Not as precise as his telepathy would have been, but it would still see Erik found. Even if he put on that infernal helmet.

[diecastking]

The pounding at his walls stops, but Erik keeps his defences up, huddled against the wall of the alleyway.

Charles is close. Erik needs to move, get out.

But he is paralysed, caught between needing to keep his fiancé safe and wanting to hold him again.

[guideshapelead]

With only the compass to guide them, driving the streets of New York quickly becomes impractical. Once they are sure they are close enough, Alex parks up and they proceed on the pavements.

With the compass in Charles' hand as Alex pushes him, it doesn't take too long for them to discover the alleyway Erik is hiding in.

[diecastking]

The shadow across the alleyway makes him start to his feet and he's holding out his hand to cast them aside when...he sees his lover and his prodigy.

He cannot move, taking in the sight of Charles's longed-for figure.

And wanting to push past him and run far away.

[guideshapelead]

"Don't run," Charles asks of him, not needing to read his mind to see his thoughts on his face.

"We're here to help you. Don't push us away, Erik."

[diecastking]

Erik is forlorn, staring at Charles' face in open misery.

"Help me?" he rasps, voice rough from disuse. "Charles, I have to protect you."

[guideshapelead]

Charles' confusion is evident on his face... he hadn't been expecting a response like that.

"How do you intend to do that sat in an alleyway in New York City?"

[diecastking]

Erik points his trembling fingers at his own chest.

"From me."

[guideshapelead]

"Oh, Erik, don't be a fool..." Charles moves himself closer, having to trust that Erik won't flee into the gap he creates between himself and Alex.

"I do not need protecting from you. I love you."

[diecastking]

Erik's eyes flicker to Alex. He doesn't want the boy to see him, as Charles has seen him, but he has to be honest if Charles is to let him go. To see it's for the best.

"I would've watched you die."

[guideshapelead]

Charles has been doing everything within his powers to blot that horrendous day from his mind, though he knows that he will have to face up to some of it now.

"It was for the best," he tells Erik, tells himself too. "The merciful option."

[diecastking]

Erik is horrified.

Charles' innocence has gone. He has driven it from him.

"You don't understand." His voice shakes. "I wanted them to kill you."

[guideshapelead]

"It wasn't the best of choices, Erik! Your alternative was letting them torture me. I never believed you wanted either outcome." Charles tries to keep his voice down, for Alex's sake, though it's hard when he feels so passionately about what he's saying.

He does not blame Erik for his choices. They were the right ones to have made, he knows that now.

[diecastking]

Erik is consumed by his self-loathing.

"Look what I have made you," he says dully. "You were an idealist, Charles. A dreamer."

[guideshapelead]

Charles doesn't think that that's changed, and he frowns at Erik.

"I'm who I've always been, Erik."

[diecastking]

"Except now you are willing for me to let people die? Who next, hmm? Alex, perhaps?" He gestures to the boy, who is pale as death, his fingertips trembling. "Scott?"

[guideshapelead]

"You wouldn't, Erik, I know you wouldn't," Charles continues to plead.

"Not unless the alternative was worse."

[diecastking]

Erik meets Charles's eyes with the terrible knowledge he is about to lose him forever.

"I would let them all die if it meant preventing them from living as I did."

[guideshapelead]

"So you would leave us alone?" An edge of irritation creeps into Charles' tone. Erik's logic makes no sense to him.

"Most likely that decision will never be yours to make again. And if there is another attack, and you're not there, then what? We all die, or we all get carted off to life as lab rats. The possibilities are there, with or without you."